


Yours, Draco

by andallwaswell_ish



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Letters, M/M, Past Trauma Mentioned, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:16:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 12,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andallwaswell_ish/pseuds/andallwaswell_ish
Summary: Harry Potter left England after the war, the only people he had contact with in years are his best friends. Until Draco Malfoy writes him a letter...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Advent fic for 2018  
> I will post one chapter every day until Christmas, have fun!

Potter,

Hermione told me where you are. Please don’t be mad at her, I’ve been bothering her about it for months now. 

I know you needed to get away from everything and I’m probably the last person you want to have contact with. But I just had to write. 

I just want to apologize, ok? I never got the chance to do it, everything was a mess right after the battle and then you left. I didn’t even get the change to thank you for testifying for mother and I.

Thank you. Also for the other things. For coming back for me in the fire, for killing him, for not dying. I think believing you can defeat him was the only thing that kept many people sane during the war. 

I knew you could beat him when you used that curse on me in the girls bathroom. I knew you could do what was necessary. I’m sorry you had to do it, I’m sorry what it did to you, but I’m still grateful. 

As for apologizing: I actually made a list with all the things I want to apologize for. I started it after the trials and I went and talked to all the people I hurt. I apologized for every bad thing I did. It was hard, but also good. Some people forgave me, like Hermione. Some just accepted it. I started all over with some people like Ginny. Some can’t forgive me and I accept that. I understand that. It still helped. I started to forgive myself. I started to process what happened. 

I’m better now than I ever was, at least that’s what my mind healer and my friends say. But I haven’t apologized for everything on my list. I haven’t apologized to you. It feels incomplete. Which is probably the only reason why Hermione told me where to send this owl. 

I really hope you’re still reading this and haven’t ripped the letter yet because here we go:

I am sorry for bullying you and your friends for years. I couldn't understand why you would like them but not me. I hated you for that. So I hated you for everything else. I am so sorry for everything I said, especially about your parents and blood purity. I was raised to believe that I was better than others because of my blood. Which made you not wanting to be friends with me even harder. In my logic, someone like you should have been happy if someone like me wanted to be their friends. I know better now. I know how lucky I am that people like Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, George, Cho and Neville want to be friends with me. The worth of people isn’t determined by their blood or heritage or name. Not even by what they achieve, but by their heart.

I am sorry for hurting you so many times. I saw the scars on your hand after detention with Umbridge but I rattled you out anyway. I petrified you and stomped on your nose. I tried to use an Unforgivable on you. Only to name a few. I’m sorry for hurting you and others. When I’m angry or scared or frustrated, when my emotions get too much, I want to hurt people. Others and myself. I haven’t done that for years now. I’m kickboxing now, it helps.

Last but not least: I am sorry for taking the Dark Mark and doing what he said. I know you know why I did it, but I still wanted to apologize for it. For everything I did during the war. For letting Death Eaters into Hogwarts. For getting so many people killed. For setting Crabbe and Goyle on you in the Room of Hidden Things. For being a coward during the battle. For not even fighting for the right side when there was no chance he could win and punish me for it. And I’m sorry for asking you to testify for my father. I’m glad you didn’t. 

That’s it. You don’t have to forgive me. You don’t even have to accept the apologize or answer my letter. This was a closure I needed, I’m sorry if I upset you. 

Hermione actually hopes this letter could get you to start processing everything. She still hopes you’re coming back any moment. 

Yours, Draco Malfoy

  
  


**Are you and Hermione an item?**


	2. Chapter 2

Hi Potter,

wow, what a long, polite and well formulated letter!

Just kidding, I’m actually pretty thrilled you answered at all.

As for your question, the short answer is no.

Long answer: Hermione and I became really close friends. We’re working together at the Ministry and when Blaise and Ron got together, we became good friends. She knows so much about me, nearly as much as my mind healer. 

I guess she’d be really good girlfriend material if it weren’t for two factors: Hermione isn’t looking for a relationship in any way. Like at all, no boyfriend/girlfriend, no casual sex. She says she’s just not feeling like it. I don’t think I could go without sex for a long time. Which leads me to factor number two: I am gay. So Hermione is lacking some parts I’m rather fond of...

So no, we’re not an item.

Mother heard I’m writing you a letter and told me to give you her love. So yeah… 

It feels weird ending this letter here. It doesn’t feel like a letter if it’s under 3 inches. 

You probably don’t want to hear anything about work, too much politics. 

We had a reunion from our Hogwarts year last weekend. The beginning was awful. Five years is not enough time to not see the missing faces. It’s not enough time to make the sadness fade or the scars normal. Lavender Brown put glitter on her scars. She looked beautiful. Dean Thomas hugged her for 5 minutes. He said he wants to paint her. Have you seen his art? I was at his last exhibition, it was stunning. Anyway, after an hour or so of crying and awkwardness we decided to play quidditch. You should have been there, it was hilarious. Half of those folks hasn’t been on a broom since flying lessons with Hooch. And the rest was just a mess. Especially Blaise, he’s a good flyer, but the only thing he did was staring at Ron's arse. (Even after 4 years of dating…) We had like four really good people, but all in different positions so we ended up no playing in our positions to keep it fair. It was frustrating to say the least. We ended the game after 3 hours, neither Lisa nor Terry caught the Snitch. It took me 10 minutes to get it afterwards (it was a practise snitch and they still didn’t manage to get it.) You should have been there, it would have been way more fun to play against you. 

I’m playing every week with people from work, so I’m not out of practice. Hermione told me you’re flying a lot, so it’d be pretty interesting to see if you’re still better than I am or if I could finally beat you to the snitch!

See, now it looks like a letter! 

Yours, Draco Malfoy

  
  


**I missed so much. Even if I wanted to come back, I don’t think I could.**

**Best regards to your mother**


	3. Chapter 3

Hi Potter,

yeah, you missed a lot. But I don’t think that’d be a big problem with your friends and your family. They would gladly sit with you for hours and talk to you, they’d tell you everything you want to know. 

It would maybe feel weird in the beginning, because their lives continued without you, but you’d soon notice they’re still the same people even if things changed. And you will always have a place in their lives.

I can give you an update on everyone if you want to! I know Hermione and Ron are the only other people who write you but they’re trying to not upset you. Hermione told me she’s always afraid she could write something that makes you stop answering. I don’t have that fear, this correspondences is like talking to myself. I counted, you’ve written 27 words so far.

Is it because it’s me you’re writing? Or do you just have a limited amount of parchment and ink? Or is it because you’ve been living in a hut on a mountain for the past 5 years? 

When was the last time you talked to anyone? Not written a letter or talked to you owl like you used to do in school. A real person. 

Hermione is so worried about you. Ron thinks you’re not coming back. He thinks you’ll stay in Canada till you go crazy and we never hear of you again. 

You missed a lot, Potter. You missed so many changes in our society. You missed Ron’s first day as an auror and his last. You missed the first time Hermione changed a law. You missed how Luna knitted a blanket big enough for 5 people for months. You missed Blaise and Ron making out and dancing around each other for months until finally getting together. You missed that first super awkward time we all went to a pub night together. You don’t know why we’re all dying of laughter if anyone mutters the phrase “sensible ears”. You missed all of our reactions when Luna, Ginny and Pansy announced they’re in a relationship. You haven’t been there for Flints and Woods wedding. You haven’t been there when Molly Weasley had to go to Cloud Ocean’s Psychiatry for 2 months because she couldn’t handle her losses anymore. You haven’t seen Hogwarts, whole again. You missed mourning and celebrating. 

And that was your choice. You locked yourself away. I understand not wanting to feel it, to not see the pain and missing faces. But you can’t run away forever, can you?

Yours, Draco Malfoy

  
  


Harry,

I’m sorry for what I said. I haven’t heard from you in weeks and I figured 27 words from you in 5 years wasn’t enough for me. So… sorry. Please write again, I promise to not talk about you coming back if you don’t want to?

Yours, Draco Malfoy

PS: Mother is basically looking over my shoulder and she said to invite you to her birthday. It’s in two weeks on Sunday and she would love for you to come to tea. Sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Why do you want me to come back to England?**

  
  


Harry,

mother got the flowers, she loved them. She asked for your address to send you a thank you note, but I said no. I also had to talk her out of putting said thank you note in this letter. You’re welcome.

I thought about your question a lot, I talked to my mind healer and even Hermione.

I think it’s a mixture of multiple factors.

  1. You saved me. So I feel like I owe you. I want to save you, too. I know telling you to get your arse over here won't save you. It’s obviously not even helping. But I could help you if you were here. I was broken and I got back on my feet. I can help you.
  2. For the people who love you. They need you, they’re not whole without you. Ron has nightmares where you’re lost in a forest, Hermione starts to cry sometimes and no one can calm her. It took Ginny 4 years till she allowed herself to date someone else.
  3. Sometimes it feels like you died during the war. And I can not stomach that thought. 
  4. It’s not fair. You sacrificed everything for us. You gave your life to save all of us. And now you’re broken. That’s just not fair.
  5. I want to be your friend. Even after all these years and everything that happened. I think we could be good friends. I think you could like me.
  6. I want you to get better. And I don’t think you can do that while sitting on a mountain all by yourself. I think you needed the distance at the beginning. But I think now you’re just scared of facing your past.



So yeah, I really, really want you to come back to England. But if you can’t do that at the moment, write me letters. Talk. Write Hermione and Ron. Write Ginny and Mrs Weasley and Luna and Neville.

Yours, Draco Malfoy

  
  


**Thank you. For caring about me.**

**I feel so detached from everyone. I know I can not heal alone but even the thought about facing my emotions kills me. Most days I try to ignore them until they overwhelm me. No one can see me like this. I’ve already hurt too many people.**

**I forgive you.**

**Your friend, Harry**


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Harry,

I cried when I read your letter. Real, ugly tears.

I would love to hug you right now. At the same time because you forgive me and said I’m your friend but also because of what you’ve been through and how you feel like.

I told my mind healer about our letters. I didn’t show her, I didn’t show anyone. She told me I won’t be able to fix you. She told me it could throw me back years in my progress trying. 

Don’t worry, she didn’t tell me to stop writing you. To stop being your friend. She said I had to stop trying to save you. When I told her I owed you to at least try it, she said that you tried to save everyone and now you’re broken. She said that would happen to me as well. That I can’t be your hero.

But I can be your friend. When I was at my worst my friends helped me to get the help I needed. And I will try to do the same for you. My mind healer gave me her card. She would love to talk to you. You can write with her or she could come over to Canada. She is good, the best Pansy could find. She helped me a lot. She helped me accept things I couldn’t even face before. 

But you need to want it. If you really want to heal, if you want to come back, contact her.

Thank you for being my friend, I hope I can fit the bill, I’ll try my best.

Yours, Draco

  
  


**She’s right. It would be better if you wouldn’t write me anymore.**

**But I’m too selfish to ask you to stop. Reading your letters feels like a start.**

**Promise to stop when you notice you can’t do this anymore.**

**I will contact her. But not yet. I’m not ready.**

**I will write her when the first leaves fall.**

**Thank you, Harry**

  
  


Harry,

for a second I thought I had to convince you to keep writing me again. 

I promise. I know myself and my limits a lot better now and I will keep talking to Healer Anna. She said setting yourself a deadline was a good tactic. It shows you want help. Please keep your deadline.

I didn’t tell Hermione about Healer Anna, but I told her I’m still writing you and that you’re answering. I told her we’re friends now. She’s happy. 

Back to something more lighthearted: Did Ron tell you he’s moving in with Blaise? I had to help today, it was a mess. I know you don’t know Blaise very well, so I’ll have to explain for you to understand how hilarious today was. Blaise is rich as fuck. His mother had 5 super rich husbands who all died, so you can imagine the kind of environment he grew up in. All of his furniture is either black, leather, glass, or all of those. And now picture his black leather couch on Ron’s yellow and blue worn out rug. Or Blaise’s silken bed sheets on Ron’s self made birch bed. This whole day was a mess and I really thought they would fight over one thing or another, but in reality they were just really sugary sweet and coupley…

It still took us till after midnight to put everything where it belongs, but that’s our fault, really. Pub night on Friday was way longer than normal, we stayed till they closed. Now that I think about it, it’s really Seamus fault, he proposed to Dean earlier this week and they payed all drinks to celebrate. They’ve been together for 6 years, I’m so fucking jealous. Anyway, that’s why I did not get enough sleep this weekend at all. Sunday mornings I’m at the Manor having breakfast with mother. I’m so damn tired, it’s only 6pm but I will go to bed now.

Thank you for being selfish about this, I don’t want you to stop writing. Please.

Yours, Draco


	6. Chapter 6

**The leaves are still green but it’s getting colder. I started writing the letter for her. I will send it.**

**I will tell Hermione and Ron once I talked to her.**

**Sometimes, when they begged me to come home, I stopped reading their letter. I feel so guilty for leaving them. For leaving all of you.**

**I thought about you a lot during those years alone. It didn’t hurt as much to think about you. I think because I could hate you at one day, and love you on the next. Because I could curse you for what you did or shift the blame on Voldemort.**

**Don’t worry, I don’t hate you anymore. And I don’t blame you either.**

**Can you send me some photos? Of Blaise and Ron, of the pub nights, of Diagon Alley, of you.**

**Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

you know they will not blame you for not reading all of their letters. And no one is blaming you for leaving. Except maybe Rita Skeeter, but she’s not with the Prophet anymore, so she can’t do any harm.

I thought about you as well. And I talked about you. Probably too much, Pansy thinks I have a thing for you…

I send you the pictures. The girl next to Neville is his girlfriend, I forgot her name to be honest. He’s changing girlfriends faster than I change my favourite club. Not that I’m one to judge, I haven’t had a relationship longer than 2 weeks.

I noticed I don’t have that many pictures of myself, that’s why I send a formal picture and also a photo of me about to go out. Sorry about that. 

The picture of Lavender is actually a picture of Dean’s drawing of her, I think I told you about it. His next exhibition is next week, I have my eye on a huge painting of Hogwarts.

I was at there last weekend for the start of term, I hope the picture was ok. It looks different now, parts of it couldn’t be repaired and others were build new. Professor Sprout got more greenhouses, Neville is really excited about that. He works with her to become a herbology master. It will take him 4 more years and he’s already at it for 4 years, but you know him, he’s crazy about plants.

The blurry picture of Merlin knows what animal is from Luna, she gave it to me after I came to the pub night with a camera and told me to put it to the other pictures. I think she knows, but you can never be sure with her… 

Also it was Ginny's idea to try and make a picture of her really quickly kissing Pansy and Luna and then them kissing. It took us 5 shots. Don’t judge, it was close to midnight.

Can I send you anything else? You don’t seem to need parchment, like I suspected a few months ago, but I could send you sweets or more pictures.

Yours, Draco


	7. Chapter 7

**I send the letter to Healer Anna before yours arrived here. She hasn’t answered yet, but it’s only been two days.**

**Thank you for the photos. First I thought I could hang them on my walls, but I like to keep them on me when I go for a walk or go out flying. I don’t like being inside all day. It feels safer outside.**

**Can you tell me about yourself? I guess you couldn’t tell, but I was trying to do that in the last paragraph. There’s really not that much to tell about myself. I kind of stopped living. I don’t see any people for weeks until I need more food. Even longer during winters.**

**I like the pictures of you. You changed, you don’t look pointy anymore. It suits you.**

**Tell me about your clubs. About your friends. About your 2 weeks relationship. About those snitches on your wall. I want to get to know you, like you are now.**

**Harry**

  


Dear Harry,

thank you. Thank you for contacting her! She can help you, I promise!

You already told me so much about you, so don’t worry.

Ok, so the clubs… As you know, we’re going to the pub every Friday. And on Saturdays I’m going to a club. I’ve been doing that for nearly 5 years now and I know it’s not healthy and Healer Anna and I are working on unraveling everything that drives me to having meaningless sex with men I don’t know every week. It’s getting better. I skipped the last two Saturdays.

The first time I went to a club was a few weeks after father was sentenced and you left. It was when I realised that I was the one in charge of my life now. That no one would force me to be someone I’m not. That I could do whatever I wanted. And since I was 18 and gay, I went and sucked a cock. (Sorry for being so blunt, please tell me you’re not homophobic though)

I don’t know if you ever… Ginny said you haven’t but… Anyway, sex is bloody fantastic. You feel alive but you don’t have to think. You just feel. It’s like your whole body is on fire but you don’t want to put it out. For an hour or two, you can forget.

But hey, it’s Saturday evening and instead of going out, I’m writing this letter.

My friends, they are great! The only people I was close to in school I still have regular contact with are Blaise, Pansy and the Greengrass sisters. Did you know I was supposed to marry the younger one, Astoria?

Greg has been out of Azkaban for a year now. He hates me. For betraying them during the war. (I was so useless during this war, I didn’t help him, I didn’t help all of you, I couldn’t even help myself…)

I already told you how much I adore Hermione and Ron is great! He is so good for Blaise, and Blaise for him. I’m friends with most people from our Hogwarts year, some of the younger ones too. Eighth year was good for me. Except that I got in so much trouble for leaving every Saturday…

The snitches are actually gifts from mother. She gave me one for every birthday I spend at Hogwarts and ever since then. They’re from famous quidditch games, the fifth from the left is from the world cup match finale where Krum got the snitch. The one that had the terrible afterparty...

What else could I tell you?

It’s Ginny’s fault I love beer and hate Tequila. Neville and I spend a weekend in my flat drinking, crying, hugging and talking everything out when I first apologised to him. I love how the colour red looks on me, but only dark reds. At one point I shaved my head, but I like my hair better as it is now. I still visit my mother twice a week. I rarely get hungover.

It suits me? I’m pretty sure that was a compliment. So thank you? How do you look like? I haven’t seen you in years but I guess you don’t have a camera.

Yours, Draco

**Healer Anna wants to come here.**

**I’m scared. I don’t think I can do this, I will tell her I don’t need her.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry Draco, I didn’t want to scare you. I just freaked out. I told her how to get here. She wants to come as soon as possible. She said writing letters is too slow for therapy.**

**I can’t believe I’m starting therapy.**

**I haven’t told Ron and Hermione yet. I will write them once Healer Anna was here.**

**Thank you for telling me all of this.**

**I haven’t… But if it feels like you described I can totally understand why you’ve been going to a club every week. But if it’s not good for you I am happy for you that you’re working on it. Maybe your next relationship lasts longer, so you won’t have to go to clubs to. To have sex.**

**Hermione hasn’t written anything about Greg, I’m sorry.**

**It was a compliment. I haven’t cut my hair since I came here. I have a beard now. I got some tattoos. I still have my glasses. I have more muscles than before. This is weird. I promise you’ll see me in person.**

**Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

yes, you did scare the fuck out of me! But you came around, so everything’s fine.

She’s right, you have to talk to her. She told me she won’t be here next week, so I’m guessing she’ll be with you. She won’t tell me details about you and nothing about what the two of you write. Fair enough I guess. Cause she’s also not going to tell you all of my dirty little secrets. Not that I have any… 

You keep getting better at writing real letters, congratulations! Now we only have to work on the form of address. 

Dating isn’t exactly easy for me. I tried to date Muggles, but having to hide who you are is just too hard. And I would never be able to tell them. Only if we had children who showed signs of being magical. So never.

And wizards, that’s even harder. Most people still hate me, or at least don’t trust me. That’s why my official position in the Ministry is still a secretary. I can’t imagine what people would do if they found out how much power I have and which people come to me for advice. If the public knew which new laws I’m working on they’d category be against them. And the only gay or bi wizards I know are Ron, Blaise, Dean and Seamus. So wizards aren’t an option either. But yeah, having a boyfriend with endless sex and cuddling and brunch supply would be awesome. But I don’t see that happening soon.

As for the compliment, I’m giving it right back. If you look anything close to how I imagine you, you look fucking hot. 

I’m looking forward to seeing you in person.

Yours, Draco


	9. Chapter 9

**Dear Draco,**

**happy now?**

**Healer Anna will arrive tomorrow. I have no fucking idea how I’m feeling.**

**I’ve been reading you letters again and again. And I’ve been looking at your pictures. It helps, it makes me calmer.**

**You will find someone.**

**You will be disappointed. I don’t look hot. But I’m also looking forward to seeing you.**

**Yours, sincerely**

**Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

was that really so hard?

Is Healer Anna still there? How did it go?

If you look anything like you looked 5 years ago plus a beard and long hair and muscles and tats, I definitely won’t be disappointed! You’ll probably have to stop me from flirting with you all the time! And don’t allow me to drink, I become a terrible flirt when I’m drunk.

Thank you for the beautiful letter, I’m sorry I’m not writing back a “real” one in return, work is really busy this week, Hermione and I are working on a new bill.

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Can you tell me about Cloud Ocean’s Psychiatry, please?**

**Healer Anna wants me to go there.**

**She’s been here for four days now. You were right, she is really good.**

**She wants me to come back to England, but she thinks it's better if I go there first.**

  
  


Dear Harry,

Cloud Ocean’s Psychiatry is the best place on earth. Just kidding, Quidditch Supplies is…

It’s at the east coast of England, a big house with mind healers and healers and helpers.

You will have therapy a lot, one on one, group therapy, but also stuff like swimming, drawing, playing with puppies and so one.

I know so many people who’ve been there during the last years. It’s not Ianus Thickey. They don’t put people there who are crazy and can’t be helped. The patients are there because their daily life is too much to handle at the moment. Because trauma came back, because it never left.

Molly Weasley was there for about two months a few years ago. Mother spend 2 weeks there twice.

You will decide with the mind healers there who can visit you and how often. You will be able to go outside and take walks. Maybe you can even fly over the sea. We can still write letters, and the owls won’t take more than a week if you’re in England. 

It would be like “coming back light”. You would be here. You could see your friends and family. But you wouldn’t get overwhelmed. 

And you will get help. They already helped so many people.

Please go.

Please come home.

Yours, Draco


	10. Chapter 10

**I wrote a long letter to Hermione. Can you go read it?**

**I will come home.**

**Yours, Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

you can’t imagine how happy they are. How happy I am.

I read your letter. It was Healer Annas idea to ask Hermione and Ron to come to Canada and help you pack and come over, right? 

I calculated and sending this letter by owl wouldn’t make sense, you’d be back here when it arrives. So I’ll give it to Hermione to give it to you. 

Mother said you should listen to the healers when they suggest who should visit you and how often they should visit you. She also advises you to use family therapy if the healers think you’re ready for it. And she said you should really try the chocolade pudding, it’s the best.

If you want to, and if you’re ready for it, I would love to visit. Until then, if it’s ok, I will continue writing you.

Hermione said she will tell the others when you’re here. And she also wants to take care of the press. I told her it would be easier and better to hire a press officer. I recommended her Mrs Zabini's, that guy is able to work wonders. He could handle the press, get them to back off and respect your privacy. You should decide with Hermione, she’s right, you shouldn’t have to deal with all of that at the moment (or ever).

I would really like to hug you right now.

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Draco,**

**I arrived. Thank you for your letter.**

**It is strange, being back. Only a few month ago I sat in my hut on my mountain and now I’m back in England, surrounded by people and I will have to start talking about everything. To process.**

**There’s no going back now.**

**Thank you, Harry**


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Harry,

the first couple of days will be the strangest, I think. You will get used to the people.

Getting used to talking about what happened will take way longer. I’m still not really used to it, I don’t know if you can get used to it. But we’re working on it, right? 

The way you write “There’s no going back now” sounds at the same time hopeful and devastated. I really hope it turns out good for you. I really hope you’re not leaving again. We only just got you back.

I think it will turn out perfectly fine. You will stay at Cloud Ocean’s for a few weeks or months our however long you need. Your friends will visit you. We will write. You will get better and you will start a normal, boring, ordinary life again. With no one trying to kill you or your friends and family. Just you, I don’t know, working in a bookshop or something. And you will come to pub nights and on Sundays you will eat with the Weasleys. You could play Quidditch with me and my co-workers on Wednesdays and visit Ron at WWW during your lunch breaks. One day you will have a girlfriend and therefore that endless supply of sex we were talking about. And you will go to Healer Anna every week because you will have good days and bad days and you will remember things you tried to forget before but in the end it will all turn out fine. Because that’s the past, and your future lies before you.

Hermione and Ron are so excited for you to be here, they couldn’t stop talking about anything except how it was to go and get you. How you hut looked like (sounds cozy, but lonely) and how happy they were when you had already packed and waited for them. They were afraid they would arrive and you would simply refuse to come with them or you’d just left. 

Also Ron hugged me because he thinks that’s due to me. He never hugs me, it was weird but nice.

Hermione told me you hired Mrs Zabini's press officer. I’m glad about that! There’s nothing in the press yet but I think hell will break loose if they get word of you being back. 

How is the chocolade pudding?

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**I was really expecting them to start with the really tough things. Like my parents, Voldemort or how I died. But I guess they’re afraid of me not being able to handle that yet.**

**We started with the easy things, like why I came back.**

**They asked me to write a list with things I need to process before I’d consider myself fine again. It’s gonna be a long list.**

**It’s been good so far here. My mind healer agreed to go on a walk with me during our sessions. I won’t join group therapy yet. People are too starstruck by me. We will start family therapy in a week or so.**

**That version of my future sounds good! Maybe they will let me work at Quidditch Supplies!**

**The chocolate pudding is amazing.**

**Harry**


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Harry,

yeah, that makes sense. They probably want to approach those topics slowly. 

I had to make a similar list at the beginning of my therapy. I still keep adding things there, but at the same time I could already cross out so many others!

Why did you come back though?

Family sessions didn’t work for me that well. The people I would have needed to be there didn’t want to come. Or they are dead or in prison. But I had some very good sessions with Dumbledore's portrait. 

Yeah, you never were one for reading books. So Quidditch Supplies. Or even Fortescue’s! His daughter opened the shop again 3 years ago, it’s brilliant! I’ll take you there when you have free days.

They have a chocolate ice cream with brownies in it. You’ll love it.

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**because you asked me to come back. I know Hermione and Ron had asked me so many times before, but somehow it was different coming from you.**

**Will you visit on Sunday? For tea? I know I should probably ask Hermione and Ron or Ginny or someone else to come, but I really want to see you. And I will see Ron and Hermione next week for family therapy.**

**They already told me that I can talk to Dumbledore's and Snape’s portraits. But I don’t think I can do that, yet. What Dumbledore did to me is one of those big things I will need a lot of time for.**

**I actually started reading a lot in Canada. But no magical books, so maybe a Muggle bookstore? That would also mean less starstruck people.**

**I’m looking forward to Fortescue’s!**

**Harry**


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Harry,

of cause I’m coming! Should I bring anything? Some books? And Hermione told me you started to draw? Some supplies?

Should I feel honored that you came back because of me? Doesn’t matter, I’m going to hug you so hard on Sunday!

Ron told me he’s coming on Wednesday, he’s super nervous but also so happy that you’re doing this. I think he’s afraid of something being somehow his fault.

Maybe talking to Dumbledore one day will help you. Maybe knowing you can confront him about it will help. But he’s not going anywhere, so you can take as much time as you need.

I don’t know many Muggle books, but I was at a Muggle bookstore once, it was awful. It was huge and so bright and it just had the wrong feeling, you know? It wasn’t cozy and there was no cat and the clerk only knew a fraction of the books because there were so many of them! You should work in a small bookstore, maybe one with a little cafe in it. One that feels

warm and soft and happy. Where I can visit during my break to drink a coffee and chat with you. That would be nice.

I saw the press release they’ll give to the prophet. It looks good! I will probably be on Sunday’s front cover, do you want me to bring you the paper? Or do you not want to have anything to do with it? I could totally understand that!

Healer Anna and I talked about what it means for me that you came back. We came to the conclusion that it is good for me. She was afraid that it’d bring back too many painful memories. But I argued that the pros definitely outweigh the possible cons. I have the possibility to put our past behind me. I helped you. I helped my friends who all missed you

dearly. And I get to be your friend. I get to know you properly and you get to know me. We’re gonna be friends.

I’m off to pub night now, I bet there will be crying because you’re back. Not me of cause.

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**I told you, we’re already friends. I really hope coming back doesn’t hurt anyone.**

**No, you don’t need to bring anything. I had everything I own with me in Canada. I left nothing there. I wished I had set the hut on fire. They I couldn’t go back and would stop thinking about it.**

**No prophet please. The press officer keeps me up to date if anything happens that I really need to know.**

**Your kind of bookstore sounds amazing.**

**See you tomorrow!**

**Harry**


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Harry,

I just arrived home. I know I’ve just seen you for two hours but there are thinks I couldn’t tell you in person.

I know I already thanked you before I visited and when I was at Cloud Ocean’s but… THANK YOU! You came back! And you wanted to see me! And seeing you was about 50% less awkward than I thought it would be! Merlin, I was so afraid we’d just sit next to each other silently till visiting time is over, but we didn’t! It was so nice.

For example I was expecting a handshake or even a nod. But you hugged me! And we actually talked, it was so nice! At one point I had the feeling I was talking too much and didn’t let you speak, but I think you’re just taciturn. 

It was so nice seeing you. And as I said, you look really good. Those tattoos, I still can’t believe you did them all by yourself! One day you’ll have to show me all of them and tell me why you got them. I felt weird telling you then, but writing it is different: Let me tell you, as a gay man, who knows what people who are attracted to men find hot, that you look super fucking hot. You don’t need to worry about finding a girlfriend to have sex with, they’ll all wait in line!

You seemed happy, Harry. I know, I haven’t seen you in years, but you seemed happy. I think Cloud Ocean’s if good for you. Being back is good for you. Because you want this. You want to come back and be a part of this life again.

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**you’re right, it was a bit awkward, but really nice.**

**I really hope it was ok to hug you, I know some people don’t like it. I haven’t touched a lot of people in a long time, or ever. I’m cuddling with the pups every day, but hugging you was still better. My childhood was.. problematic. I’m not used to physical affection, but it was one thing my mind healer and I talked about a lot this past days. He says it’s essential to learn to trust people and allow myself to take comfort in them. So I hugged you. Sorry.**

**Thank you. You look very good, too. But you know that. You’re also very nice. You will find a boyfriend.**

**I’m not happy all the time, but I was when you were here.**

**Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

oh my god, no! I had absolutely no problem with you hugging me! I was wonderful! You’re such a good hugger and you smell nice and I felt just super comfortable when we hugged! Please do that again when we see each other next time! 

It sounds like we have something in common there. I know Mother loves me and I know that my father cares about my well-being as well. Not in a healthy and normal parental way, mind you. But I was raised to be perfect in any way, always. They treated me like an adult. And Father he… he forbid Mother to cuddle and kiss me. He said it’d soften me if she’d coddle me. So she only ever hugged me when she could be sure Father wouldn’t find out. 

It was hard for her, to brave him in the end. To ignore his orders, but she did it for me. She loves me more than anything.

So yeah, hugs are good. Whenever you need to hug or cuddle someone, just hit me up, I’m totally down for it. 

Or I’ll just find that mystical boyfriend you’re so sure I’ll find. Not sleeping alone sounds nice.

Yours, Draco


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi Draco,**

**good to know, when you come here next Sunday we can just hug for two hours like the touch starved guys we are!**

**That sounded a bit sad, but I don’t care as long as I get to hug you again.**

**A mothers love can defeat everything. Narcissa saved my life in this forest. I will write her a letter. I’m writing letters to everyone who is important to me this week. To apologize and to explain and to get in touch again.**

**I think I will buy a dog when I go home again. I can take walks with them.**

**Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

do you really want me to come back? Not someone else? You haven’t seen the Weasley's yet and none of your other friends!

But if you want to, I’ll gladly come! And of cause hug you for two hours!

Mother will be delighted by receiving your letter. She doesn’t stop bothering me about when you will come to visit. 

She’s doing better now. When father was sent to prison she stopped living. He told her what to do for nearly 30 years and now he’s gone. She’s not ready to divorce him yet, purebloods don’t really do that. But she’s doing better.

I love her, I really do, but if I ever have children I will do everything different. I will cuddle them and shower them in affection. I will tell them how much I love them and I will protect them. 

A dog sounds great! You can also hug it when no one else is around. Where will you go? When you go home?

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**Ron and Hermione were here this week and it was so good. They were here for five hours. We talked a lot. Family therapy is really good for me. Ginny will come next week. As for everyone else: I can’t see them one by one. I’m just not ready for that.**

**My mind healer wants me to go out next weekend. To your pub night on Friday and to the Weasleys for lunch on Sunday. He’s calling it “getting it over and done with”. I’m so scared to meeting everyone and he thinks it’s better to do it soon. Because antagonizing over it is worse for me then whatever I will have to deal with afterwards.**

**So please come.**

**I haven’t thought about where I will go. Not Rons or Hermiones. Not Grimmauld Place. Hogwarts was the only real home I ever had. I think I will have to build my own home.**

**Harry**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi Draco,**

**I’m glad you came. It was good to talk to you again. In person. Even though we didn’t hug for two hours.**

**Can you tell the others I will come on Friday? It’s final now.**

**Thank you again for the book about dog breeds. My favourite so far are Australian Shepherds. If I get one of those I just have to live in the country!**

**I think I will shave my beard. I don’t want to look like a homeless.**

**Harry**

  
  


Harry you can’t shave your beard ever I forbid it!!! Blaise forbids it too!!! Pansy doesn’t like men. She wont stop saying I like you. As in liiiiiiiike you. That’s not true I just really like your beard!!!

Harry you can not! You look too hot with a beard it’s illegal to shave a hot beard! Illegal!

Harry, no!

  
  


Dear Harry,

I sincerely apologize for the letter I wrote you yesterday. I might have been a bit intoxicated. Blaise and Pansy were at my place and we might have had a bottle of Whiskey when your letter arrived. I might have overreacted about the beard. 

An Australian Shepherd sounds lovely! But you should really move to the country whether you get one of those or a Chiuaua. When you talked about the cottage you want to build you sounded so carefree, I don’t want you to lose this. I can’t imagine you in a city. I imagine you in a cozy cottage, about half an hour walk from the village. Your dog, a fireplace, trees. And a big table for all of your friends. A city is good for visiting, not for living.

And the bookstores in villages are way cozyer! 

Yours, Draco

PS: You know what, I don’t know exactly what I wrote in the letter last night anymore, but I don’t think I overreacted with the beard. Just please don’t shave it, ok? Please.

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**Ginny was here today. Family therapy. It was hard, but good. She’s happy now, but she wasn’t for a long time. And that was my fault. Because I left without saying goodbye. It was really hard.**

**She stayed afterwards. Just for an hour, but it was fun. We talked a lot. I told her about you. She said she’ll buy you a Tequila on Friday. And she said I should tease you mercyless with what you wrote me when you were drunk.**

**Maybe later, for now it’s ok. I’m not going to shave my beard, don’t worry!**

**And I will definitely not live in a city. But I can’t cut myself off again. So maybe a village.**

**Harry**


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Harry,

no Tequila! She knows I fucking hate that stuff!!! It’s awful and makes me sick and hangover! She’s evil, you know that, right? 

I love that girl. It took us three years to get to where we are now, but I love her to pieces. And yes, she’s happy now. She found her soulmates and was brave enough to get them and not let go. 

Ok so for tomorrow: You said you’re nervous. I know telling you you have no reason to is not helping. So I’ll give you an update on everyone who will be there so you can mentally prepare for the madness that is our pub night.

Luna: Did not change at all except that she now has more resources for her pipe dreams. And two kick ass girlfriends who support her in everything.

Pansy: Still feels super guilty for trying to hand you over during the battle, even after your letter. Writing her was super nice by the way! She loves Ginny and Luna and she’d never ever let them get hurt. She’s incredibly protective of her friends, she’s a ride-or-die kind of person. 

Ginny: You probably know her better than I do. And I don’t think there will be any surprises after your family therapy.

Dean: Is an awesome painter (you probably know that, but now everyone knows, he’s super famous, even a bit with the Muggles!)

Seamus: Proposed to Dean a few months ago. He is commentator for quidditch games on the wireless. He will probably try to sneak you a whoopee cushion.

Neville: He told me he wrote you a 6 page letter so I guess he already told you a lot about himself… 

Nevilles girlfriend: Sometimes he brings one, sometimes he doesn’t. I think the only constant in his life is his love for herbology. But I’m not worried about him, he will find his way.

Astoria: She’s just awesome. And also single and ready to mingle! I know it’d be slightly weird if one of my friends would be with my “ex” but I think the two of you could work together! 

Blaise: He’s probably a bit angry with you. Ron is the best that ever happened to him (his words, not mine). Ron had so many nightmares because you left, I know he doesn’t blame you for it, but Blaise does. At least a bit. But he also knows how important you are to Ron, so he’ll warm up to you.

As for Ron and Hermione: I know you talk to them, I know you write letters and I know they told you everything. How they split up, how Ron discovered he was bi and how he got together with Blaise. About their jobs in the Ministry and at WWW. I don’t think I can tell you anything you don’t already know about them. They love you and they’re super happy you’re back.

You’ll survive.

I’ll see you tomorrow, I’m expecting a hug!

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Pub night was good. But a lot. I postponed my visit to the Weasley's to next Sunday. I think both would be a bit too much.**

**Harry**


	18. Chapter 18

shit, I’m so sorry! I should have known it’d be too much! Fuck.

I should have told them to just chill with everything. Maybe we shouldn’t have met at the pub, but at my place or Astorias! I should have told Pansy to shut up about it and I shouldn’t have sat on your lap when it got cramped. I should have stopped Neville from talking about Hogwarts so much!

Shit, I’m so sorry, I fucked everything up!

  
  


**Oh Draco, don’t worry!**

**It wasn’t your fault at all! It wasn’t anyone's fault, really. Not even my own.**

**I spend hours talking about the pub night till I understood why it was so hard for me. It wasn’t something that happened. It’s just that I felt so disconnected for years. I tried not to care about anyone I love. But Friday night, everything just felt right. I felt connected to all of you. And I hadn’t expected that to ever happen again. It was just overwhelming. Too many emotions. Good emotions.**

**I loved how Neville talked about Hogwarts. It was nice to be out in public again. No one asked for an autograph. Pansy and I are cool, don’t worry. She was just teasing us, ignore her.**

**I liked having you on my lap. It felt like cuddling. It was nice.**

**Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

Merlin, I’m so happy to hear that!

I was so worried it was too much for you. I was worried it had been a mistake.

I’m so happy it felt right for you. When you feel up to it we’d love to have you there again. This is your official, everlasting invitation to pub night. Come whenever you want. I can even sit on your lap again! (I liked that, too. But real cuddling is even better.) 

You’re right, Pansy is a horrible tease. Just like Ginny. I’m so glad they’re not a couple on their own. If they didn’t have Luna, no one would be able to stop them from destroying their victims! 

It was so good that you talked to Dean about football! He always tries to get us to like it so he has someone to talk about it. He stopped bothering Hermione after she wrote a 10 page essay about why she doesn’t like football… At least once a month he’s complaining about the lack of muggleborn people in our group. And you really like football? It sounds absolutely boring, they only have one ball!

It felt good to have you with us.

Yours, Draco


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi Draco,**

**thank you. I won’t come tonight though.**

**It was nice to see all of you together and it was good to feel like I belonged.**

**I really like football, even though I haven’t been up to date until I talked to Seamus. My Uncle let me watch matches. It was the only thing I was allowed to watch on TV. He said it’d make me a real man. He said I was crying too much. He said I was probably a pouf. I’m pretty sure kids don’t cry because they’re gay. They just cry when you hit them and then lock them in a closet.**

**But still, I was allowed to watch football. Of cause I was never allowed to play, except in school. But I still loved it. If anyone asks: Manchester is my club. Because my Uncle and cousin liked Liverpool.**

**Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

I can assure you that kids also cry because they’re gay. But only if they’re told it’s not ok to be gay. To be different. 

Being gay was just not acceptable in my father’s world. Because it meant being different and being less valid. Not producing an heir is unacceptable, not comply with the norm forbidden. I told Mother that I wanted to kiss another boy when I was 7. She was so afraid my father would find out. I never told anyone else. I tried to not even think about it. I tried to like girls, to be normal.

I got together with Pansy during 4th year, we both never talked about it, we tried to do the “right” thing. We had sex in our 5th year. It was awful, but even then we didn’t talk about it. We thought about breaking up, but it was easier to just pretend. 

I kissed my first man when I was 18, in a club. When my father was gone and I was free. But before that, I can assure you, I cried a lot because I am gay.

I’m sorry about your uncle. I can guarantee you that no sports every will make a gay boy straight. I played quidditch my whole life and I’m as straight as Hermione’s hair.

Maybe we can go and see a match sometime. With everyone. Dean would be overjoyed and maybe some of the others would pick up on it and he’d have more people to talk about football. And it would be nice for you, right?

So you will be at the Weasley’s tomorrow, tell me how it was!

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**I would like to put your father and my uncle in one room and burn it down.**

**My healer and I talk about my childhood every now and then. It comes up a lot when we talk about other things.**

**It would be nice to go to a football game, I haven’t seen one live.**

**Lunch at the Weasley’s was very nice. Loud and full, but fun. Molly promised me to teach me how to cook. Ginny and Hermione will go shopping with me next Saturday. They want me to go to a barber to cut my hair a bit and trim the beard. Hermione says I need new glasses. And Ginny insists I buy new clothes. It could be fun I guess.**

**Can I come over to you place afterwards? Maybe we can talk and then go to your club. I asked, it’s ok if I come back here late.**

**Harry**


	20. Chapter 20

Dear Harry,

you do realise I go to gay clubs, right? With only men? Who are all gay?

And I haven’t gone there on Saturdays for about 2 months. It’s a trick Healer Anna and I figured out. I go on another day and don’t have meaningless sex. It sounds stupid, but it works. I don’t want that anymore. I want a real relationship, not a quick fuck in the gents. 

But you could still come to my place and we could drink and talk here! I could ask some of our friends to join if you want to! It’s going to be fun.

Oh yeah, childhood trauma… Every mind healers wet dream and nightmare. They love it, because they can blame everything on your childhood trauma, but they hate it, because they have to unravel it.

Shopping with them is going to be so fun! You’d think shopping with Pansy is the best, because she has the best style, but she goes into a store, scans everything there with her fashion view, and goes straight to the stuff she wants, grabs her size and buys it. It’s strange. But shopping with Ginny and Hermione is exciting and fun! They get distracted by bookstores and puppies and funny looking clothes. But in the end you will have a bunch of clothes that look fabulous and are super comfortable. (I swear to god, they are cheating somehow.) 

You know where I stand about the beard and the hair. Don’t you dare cut too much!

I wasn’t joking about the football game, I’m organising this! Dean is thrilled! 

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**yes, I know you go to gay clubs. And that there are gay men at gay clubs. I was just curious.**

**Drinks at your place sound good, but don’t invite anyone, ok? Just you and me.**

**Ginny and Hermione know where you live, right?**

**I have to go, sorry.**

**Harry**

**PS: Don’t worry about the hair.**

  
  


Dear Harry,

allright, drinks at my place it is.

Yeah, they can bring you here, have fun!

I’m more worried about the beard!!!

See you later, Draco


	21. Chapter 21

Are we going to talk about it?

  
  


**No.**

  
  


Harry, we can not not talk about this. You kissed me! How am I supposed to react to that? 

Seriously, I have no idea!

You kissed me! You’re straight! And I’m very very gay and that was one of the best kisses of my life! Even though we were drunk.

Was it because you were drunk? Drunk people do that, they kiss their friends. Not for ten minutes though, so you really have to tell me what was going on there, Harry!

I’m freaking out over here!

Yours, Draco

**Draco,**

**I’m not ready do think about what it meant, yet. I’m not ready to face the consequences, yet. Please, give me some time, ok? Please.**

**I want to do it, I want to buy a house. I hired a broker. He wants me to look at the first houses this weekend. Do you want to come? Please.**

**I’m sorry, Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

just promise that we will talk about this when you’re ready for it. Because I am.

Congratulations! And of cause I will come. Did you tell the broker that you want to live in the countryside, but not too far away from people? And that you want the community to be active where you live? Is it a wizarding broker? You didn’t want to live in a wizarding neighbourhood, so no, right? What about a place where you can fly? And forests close by? The dog won’t be a problem if you buy the place. I will help you with the floo once you have the house. Tell the broker you need a fireplace! Don’t forget about the garden! And how many bedrooms? Saturday you said you wanted kids one day, so don’t forget to factor that in now! 

I can’t believe you’re buying a house! That means you stay, right?

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Hi Draco,**

**thank you. I promise.**

**It’s a muggle broker. I told him all of that. He thinks I’m a soldier back from war. I am, in a way. I will have to see where I can fly once I live there. But if I don’t find a place I can still apparate to Hogsmeade or some other safe place.**

**4 bedrooms. Maybe I will need them all, maybe not. But until then I will find other things to do with them. Maybe a little library. And a guest room. Maybe an office or a hobby room. We’ll see.**

**My mind healer thinks I can leave in 2 or 3 weeks. The house needs to be finished until then. I won’t go back to Grimmauld Place.**

**Can we meet Saturday at 10am? If you pick me up here we can apparate to meet the broker together.**

**Yours, Harry**

  
  


This is so exciting, see you tomorrow!


	22. Chapter 22

**Hi Draco,**

**I know we both liked the second house the best. But should I keep looking? The house was wonderful, I loved the village and the surroundings were beautiful! But would you live there? Would you move to this village with it’s little library and all those friendly muggles and the little pond? And the house is perfect, except that it only has three bedrooms, but that’s ok, I guess, right? Would you buy it and live there? If you were me?**

**I’m a bit nervous about this, what if it’s a mistake? It feels so adult. I’m not nervous because it means I will stay here and start a life here. I’m just afraid I will find a better house if I keep looking.**

**Andromeda was here today. With Teddy. He’s so big. And he only knows me from pictures. But I will get to know him. Andy wants him to visit me often. Maybe even over whole weekends. He could sleep in one of the spare rooms.**

**I hope everything will work out just fine.**

**Yours, Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

You should buy the house. I would buy it in a heartbeat. It is perfect for you. You will be happy there, and that’s all that matters. Buy it.

I choose my flat because when I entered it, it felt like home. If that’s the case for you when you think about the second house, it’s the right house for you.

I only met Andromeda a few years ago. She and Mother are reconnecting slowly. They haven’t talked for nearly 30 years, but not they meet once a month. Teddy is a wonderful boy. I sometimes babysit him when Andromeda needs an evening off. You will get to know him and he will love you. Just like everyone does once they know you. 

What are you doing Saturday? Nothing so far? Good! Because we’re going to a football game! Manchester vs Chelsea. 7pm. With the whole group! I’ll pick you up at Cloud Ocean’s.

Buy the house, Harry.

Yours, Draco


	23. Chapter 23

**Dear Draco,**

**I cried when I read your letter. At first I wasn’t sure why, but I figured it’s because of the thing I wasn’t ready to talk about yet. But I think I’m now.**

**I’ve only had one girlfriend before I left. I kissed two girls, Ginny and Cho Chang. I loved Ginny. But I wasn’t in love with her. It never felt completely right, being with her. Not natural. But that didn’t matter, because there was a war and I was going to die anyway. But then I didn’t. And I left. I never really thought about it. I told myself it wouldn’t even matter. There was no one anyway… But when I got to know you better it became important. I wrote it on my list. My mind healer will be so proud of me for talking about this.**

**I’m gay.**

**I think I have never told this anyone. Not even my healer. Not like this.**

**That was also the reason why I kissed you that night. Not because I needed to make sure I liked guys or something. Because of you.**

**Because I’m gay and I think I’m falling in love with you.**

**You were always there. Always on my radar. Even when I was gone. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And then you wrote me letters and wanted to be my friend and told me things about yourself. Told me everything. And I started to fall for you. I didn’t really have a chance to not come back once you asked me to. And then we met. I wanted to kiss you right there, Draco. By the time we met at your place there was no going back.**

**The way you laughed, your wine glass nearly toppled over. The candle light reflected on your hair and you had these fine lines around your eyes you get when you are happy. I realised I wanted to see you like this every day of my life. So happy and free. I had to kiss you.**

**I came back for you, Draco. And I can not ever leave again.**

**I understand if you don’t feel the same. It’s ok. I can be your friend. If that’s all you want I will only be your friend.**

**Yours, Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

this is the third time I’m writing this letter. I hope it works out this time.

Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? First you forgive me, just like that! And tell me we are friends! And then you come back because I asked you and you come back and you look like THIS! You’re already the nicest guy I know and then you come back, looking like my wet dream. I had no chance but falling for you.

You kept insisting that I will find my perfect man and I just wanted to scream at you because that’s you. You are my perfect man.

And that Saturday you came in, looking even hotter (remind me to buy Hermione and Ginny a drink!) and you spend the whole evening talking to me, about me, about you, and what the future holds for us. You looked so happy, Harry. And then you kissed me. And you didn’t stop. It was so hot, you have no idea. But then you left and you didn’t want to talk about it! 

I thought it meant nothing for you. I thought you’d never like me back. 

But you do.

Can I come see you?

Yours, Draco


	24. Chapter 24

**Dear Draco,**

**I can’t believe this is true. I can’t believe you like me, too. Like that.**

**I asked my mind healer if you could visit and he said it would actually be a good idea if you would come to family therapy next week on Tuesday. He said Healer Anna should join as well. He said we should talk about our relationship in a controlled environmelt with the support of our mind healers so we can give this relationship the start it deserves. I don’t think he wants to tell us to not get together. Will you come?**

**About the football match. Will you pick me up alone? We could talk. We could kiss again.**

**I haven’t told anyone of our friends yet. That I’m gay. And that we’re… What are we? Are we boyfriends? I want to tell them, but not yet. After we talked with our healers. After we know what we are. Is that ok with you?**

**Yours, Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

of cause we’re boyfriends! I’ve been waiting for this for months, no take backs!

It’s absolutely ok to not tell them right away. I will pick you up tomorrow.

And I will come on Tuesday. Healer Anna too. I think it’s a good idea. We’re both not fixed, remember? 

See you tomorrow!

Yours, Draco

  
  


Dear Harry,

I think Luna knows. About us. She was here today, to drop a scarf off that wasn’t even mine. She said she was happy for us. That’s all. But she’s Luna, so I’m pretty sure she knows… She probably knew before we knew. Or she saw us holding hands during the game.

The game was nice. Not because of the football, mind you. That sport is super boring and I don’t know how you can still like it after watching quidditch games! Quidditch is way faster and more interesting! Everyone is only focussing on one ball in football? How is that exciting? 

But it was so nice watching you watch the game. You were hecking cute. And happy. I love to kiss you, did I tell you today? 

See you on Tuesday.

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Dear Draco,**

**it’s Luna… So probably both.**

**I noticed you’re not excited about the game. But thank you for organising this. It was wonderful. I think Blaise liked it.**

**I love to kiss you, too. I’m a bit afraid of family therapy.**

**Yours, Harry**


	25. Chapter 25

Dear Harry,

I’m so glad we did this. it was good to talk about everything. It was good to discuss the boundaries of our relationship. We can’t save each other. We can only help and support. It’s good that I know what to do when you have a panic attack and that you know what to do when I throw a fit. It’s good to know each others limits. And it’s good that we agreed to take it slow. Not that I don’t want to have sex with you (I made that clear, right?) but I’m taking this serious. This is important to me, I want this, us, to work. 

We’re really doing this, right? 

Can I tell Mother? Or do you want to come to tea on Sunday and we tell her together? 

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Dear Draco,**

**It was very good. I still can’t comprehend how well everything went. And that we’re together now. I have a boyfriend and a house and friends and everything. Try telling that half-a-year-ago-me.**

**I would love to come for tea with your mother. But only if you come to the Weasley’s the week after. I have to tell them, too. And I want to tell our friends this Friday. I will come to pub night.**

**I will work at the house on Saturday and at some evenings next week, will you help? Hermione, Ron, Blaise, Ginny and her girlfriends will be there as well. I will move in the week after.**

**I will be home for Christmas. I don’t know what I will do yet.**

**Yours, Harry**

  
  


Dear Harry,

that sounds great! If I could, I’d scream it from the rooftops. That I have a boyfriend, a wonderful, beautiful, nice boyfriend, who will cuddle me and go on brunches with me and will have sex with me. And who wants me to meet his family. Of cause I’ll come.

And of cause I’ll help with the house. Hermione and I have been researching spells we might need yesterday. You shouldn’t let Ron and Blaise help decorating, let the girls do that! You’ll thank me once you see their apartment.

That’s great! Don’t worry, the Weasley’s will love to have you there. And if you want to, we can buy a tree and decorate it. To start your own little tradition.

See you tomorrow.

Yours, Draco

  
  


**Dear Draco,**

**I know I’ll see you tomorrow, and I have seen you every day since last week, but it feels weird not speaking to you for two days in a row.**

**I’m also writing this to make sure that you’re here tomorrow at 10am to pick me up. I know I don’t have a lot to carry, but it feels weird leaving this place alone.**

**As for Christmas, what do I give your mother? I have something for everyone else (our gift for Molly and Arthur hasn’t arrived yet), but not for your mother. She liked the flowers I gave her when I visited, but that’s not an adequate Christmas gift.**

**Love, Harry**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, there is more!  
> I know advent calendars have a max of 25 days, but tomorrow is my birthday, so my gift to myself is a 26th chapter =)  
> Merry Christmas and happy Jul my friends!


	26. Chapter 26

Dear Harry,

I can’t believe you kept those letters all those years. I’ve been sitting on this attic for hours now, reading them. 

We were so young. So full of love and hope. And so afraid.

I would love to go back and tell them everything will be alright. Tell them they will love each other and they will have everything they wished for (including the endless supply of sex). I would tell them how I moved to your house. About our friends and our families. About the ten wonderful years we’ve been together now. 

About my new job at the Ministry, about how the media found out about us and about your bookstore. About Teddy. (I can’t believe he’s turning 16 in a few months!)

When I think back to our first Christmas together, I think about me being happier than ever. It didn’t matter how awkward it was with the Weasley’s in the beginning. Or that we hadn’t said “I love you” yet. I was so happy. Because I was with you. And I have been happy ever since.

Sure, we had our ups and downs. But we’re together. We build a life together and we love each other.

In one of your letters I told you that you are the perfect man for me. The last ten years have showed that I was absolutely correct with that statement. I couldn’t wish for a better person to share my life with. I love you, Harry.

And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 

Marry me. Please.

Yours forever, Draco 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, my friends!  
> A big thank you to everyone who loved the story and told me so by writing comments or leaving me kudos!  
> <3


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